Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
