i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
