she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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