Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
