Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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