We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
God I need to hump something, right now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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