So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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