I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
