i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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