he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
