Kiss
Puke
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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