i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
