i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
