I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
