i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
