I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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