I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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