just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
