Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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