I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
