my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am available for nakedness
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
