Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
