i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
