Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
