Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
