we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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