i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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