At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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