Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize