we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
