i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize
