you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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