I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
