tell your sister to shave her snatch
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
