i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
