We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
it's not cheating when I paid for it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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