she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
