Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
