wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
