Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
