My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
