he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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