I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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