If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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