I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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