he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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