just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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