i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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