halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
