I'm jealous of your bromance
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
