pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize