don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
