apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
