She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize