Someone shit on the floor
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
