I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
