It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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