Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
