You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
