Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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