Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
