I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize