omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
