I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
