please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
