when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
