3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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