At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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