woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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