Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
my poor anus
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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