so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
