I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
